Hi, all! I hope this day finds you doing well! I am sorry that I have been absent. You know, as a mom, I shouldn't make the promises that I will blog more often because life is just so unpredictable! I will try to keep up my end of the deal but no promises. I will be updating on baby news soon, we go for our ultrasound today! I am just hoping for a healthy baby, gender doesn't matter, but that doesn't take the excitement away.
Briefly, in other news, we have been busy! We have grieved the loss of one of our twins, but God has been very close to us, and been a comfort in the the toughest times of dealing with our loss. But we do find extreme joy in the fact that we still have one healthy baby. We only have one thing that our lives seem to revolve around these days, and that is selling our house! We have been talking about it for about a year, and when we were planning on two babies, we decided it was time to put the house on the market, and although life has changed that outcome, we have decided to move closer to town so that I can continue to teach my music lessons out of the home rather than traveling throughout the week to teach and hauling my kiddos and dinner along with me. So say a prayer that our house sells soon! Every time we leave the house, we try to leave it spotless, just in case the house is shown. We have a little bit of interest so far. You can imagine how easy and effortless it must be to keep a house clean with two toddlers!
But onto what is on my mind today: Mommy guilt.
This topic has been on my mind a lot lately, so I decided to write my thoughts out just because I know that I can't be the only one who goes through this process!
In case you didn't know, "mommy guilt" -- it's a thing. You know, you have a baby, and all of a sudden you are conscience of your every move, wondering if you have done it right, and God-forbid if you didn't, did you scar your child forever?? I believe every parent wants to know they did what was right/best for their kids. And we utilize every source that we can come up with to make the most informed decision. Probably a good idea, since I believe children are one of the most precious gifts we have been given. Can you imagine the pressure, Mary, mother of Jesus felt?? Here's the Savior of the world, no pressure, just raise Him to be the Messiah... no biggie, right??
In my opinion, social media has only fueled the fire lately in trying to show what is best for our kids. (Ironic that I'm going to complain about it on social media, right?) I think we are very blessed to live in an age where we are able to "google" anything that comes to our mind, almost in real time (ok that's the scary part) and be given a plethora of information on whatever topic hits our mind. Our social media feeds are littered with articles and information on the latest everything! For the sake of my post, littered with the latest articles and information on parenting tactics, feeding choices, and proper ways to deal with children. Although some of these articles are beneficial, I fear that we have lost our sense of ability to discern good information vs. bad information.
I fear that when we decide on the best parenting decision for our family, we defend it to the bitter end, only to deeply wound others who are struggling with similar decisions. And all in the name of fear. Fear that if we admit there is another path that leads to the same beneficial outcome, we have made a mistake ourselves. It's time to put fear aside. Yes, parenting is a freaking scary thing. Just trying to help raise, shape and mold a person, no biggie right?? But if you are a Christian, and I realize that not all of my friends are, but if you hold Christ as Lord of your life, you need to lay your fears down outside the door of your house and trust Him to take care of you, your family, and any decision making in your life. You need to allow others to do the same without pressuring them to do the same things that you have done. If you claim Christ in your life and show that you don't trust Him, you weaken your faith, and your witness to those with whom you share your faith. We don't always get it right, but if we make it our only priority to seek Christ's counsel, I do believe that we will make right decisions. Unfortunately the bible does not address breast feeding, sleep training, and other "life" decisions with children, but he does tell us to "come unto Him, all who are heavy burdened" and to "cast our anxiety on Him, because He cares for us."
When you are asked to share what you have done with your kids, count it as a blessing, as someone has either seen good qualities in you or your kids, (that or they are so desperate and sleep deprived that they would ask anyone -- but go with the first reason...). But when you impart your wisdom, go in knowing that the parent may not choose the same thing that you did. Maybe they will take away pieces and parts of your tactic, but make sure that you give the same understanding you wanted to receive when you yourself were going through that time in your life.
Back to my social media vent. I do enjoy reading articles about parenting, etc. I like to know what others are thinking, what someone thinks is best because sometimes you can take something beneficial away whether or not you agree with whatever article is presented or not. One of the things that irritates me the most, and I alluded to it earlier, is that we as people seem to lack the ability to discern good information and bad information. Just because you read every article that litters your news feed, doesn't mean that it was a legitimate article. Even though I like "me" -- a blog post is not a definitive resource. It is someone's opinion, just like what I am sharing with you today. Yes, you can take credibility from who the source is from, but in general, blogs are opinions. Next, look at study groups. If someone is claiming to have found something that works for "majority" of kids, if they only tested 50-100 people... do really think that the generalization they are claiming as truth can really be applied to all? Was the test group contain different ethnicity, backgrounds, etc? What can really be determined by the group that was used? Decide ahead of time, what resources you can trust. There are a million things that can credit or discredit a source, yet we seem to repost and trust all of Joe-Schmoe's broad generalizations about how to raise our kids. I'm not going to lie, I become very anxious and guilty when I read articles that go against what I have done with my kids. And I'm not very far into this parenting journey, but according to everything I read from my newsfeed, I am already dooming my kids to failure as adults. It is very scary. Lately, I have just avoiding opening articles because I don't want to fight the questions and guilt that may arise. When I do read these articles, I try to remember the things that I have decided to make an article credible, and try to put my opinions aside and maybe I'll learn something.
I'm not pointing my fingers at anyone. My "friends" online are made of up folks in similar places in life, and I see tons of articles. Nor will I ever tell you not to post something you are passionate about, or believe is best, but don't force feed anyone. And don't belittle folks who don't find your source credible. My favorite line, I see it a handful of times each week, "we are just parents trying to make the best possible decisions with the information we are given..." Yes! That is the goal of every parent, but on each side of the table, there are people defending their point of view to the point that we belittle one another along the way. You can almost see the person behind the screen rolling their eyes as they say these things. Clearly we have chosen the best information and they just don't know what's good for them! At least that's what I see, but maybe I'm just a pessimist.
I say all of the above to say this. Mom's and Dad's need help! It is so tough to raise a kid! You will always question your parenting skills, and honestly, I think that is good that you are aware of the gravity of the situation you have been put in as a parent. DO ask questions. DO find the best options for your family. Do NOT make someone else feel bad for the decisions that they make regarding their families/children just because it is different from your own. Be SMART! Know credible sources from hogwash. (Yes, I just said hogwash) Most importantly, LOVE and SUPPORT other parents, because they are just as tired and anxious making decisions as you are! It's time that we stand together as parents and remember how hard it is to make decisions regarding your children. Just as a caveat, not that my blog reaches lots of people, (who would read it anyway, I don't even grammar check, this is basically just for me) but I am not talking about supporting parents who are clearly abusing their children. I don't think it needed to be said, but it's the world we live in. Someone would send me a nasty note telling me that I hate children and don't want to save them from a bad situation in the name of letting parents make their own decisions. NOT TRUE! So I wrote it.
Maybe you are curious as to why I have felt a ton of mommy-guilt. I will try to, briefly, tell you the things that I have done that are apparently controversial. According to what I read, I am a terrible mother for the things that I have done. However, I receive lots of compliments on my children, they healthy, they are happy, and we are thriving.
1. I do not breastfeed. GASP! Yes, it's true. Even the formula can mocks me when I'm up preparing a bottle in the middle of the night, it says breast is best. Well, some of us are not blessed to physically be able to feed in this "natural" way. I'm not going to get into the details here, but I tried with my first, and couldn't. But when my second baby came along, and I didn't even try, despite not physically able to, I was a terrible mom. I clearly don't want what is best for my kids. (If you are curious as to why, you can ask, I'm just not going to put all the details up here.) Apparently, my kids will never be able to fight off common germs and childhood diseases. Nothing like kicking someone when they are already down. Apparently, I will never have a secure bond with my children. I think if you know my kids, so far these claims are 100% hogwash. My kids are happy, healthy, and they like me most days. So far we have 2 kids beating the odds.
2. I sleep train. I sleep train early. Yes, I do a bit of the cry it out. Again, so no one dials their phone to DSS to them I neglect my kids, I do not mean all out screaming and crying tears of frustration because they were left alone. My kids fussed in their beds. They learned to sleep early and are well adjusted. Despite the articles that claim that they will never be comfortable, socially anxious, have trouble forming relationships, and all the other things that are said about sleep training and crying. My kids both have slept through the night by 8 weeks and I am extremely proud of that. A well rested mom is also the best thing for kiddos during the day, especially if that momma suffers from anxiety, high BP etc. My kids love people and are forming relationships. Stop telling me I'm scarring my kids for life. I didn't neglect them, they didn't scream their heads off because they "needed" me. My choice.
3. I buy second hand. Yes, apparently you can't wash things and will give your child a horrible disease if you buy some of their toys, furniture and clothes second hand. It's all well and good that I consign/donate my kid's things, but I'm not supposed to buy used. I believe in frugality, making the most of what God has blessed me with ... and I don't know if you have heard of it...but we have a washing machine... and bleach! (And yes, I do have friends that tell me I'm poisoning my children by having bleach in the home.)
4. I didn't buy the most expensive car seat on the market so we will probably all die in a fiery crash.
5. My kids are so unhealthy from breastfeeding that I had to turn them forward facing early because of their height/weight that I have literally had strangers in parking lots tell me I'm going to kill my children because they are forward facing too early. Despite being ok by the car seat's standards. I have big kids, and the day when I found one of my children soaked through clothes and diapers, covered in heat rash because of the heat of the summer, and slightly lethargic even with the air full blast, they got turned around.
These are just a few of the things that have been on my mind. Again, sorry that it's long, but it was on my mind and I needed to blow off some steam. If I have ever made you feel bad for a parenting decision, shame on me, and I do sincerely apologize. I just feel the deep need, as of lately, that we need to lift eachother up, give honest opinions, but more importantly give love, support, hugs, and grace to other parents. It's rough out there!
Wednesday, June 25, 2014
Friday, April 25, 2014
Discoveries
Surprise, surprise, surprise... I was spending some time online and remembered, "remember that one time you thought you would start a blog and actually keep up with it??" So I logged in, and I suppose the positive news is that it hasn't been "quite" a year since I last posted. I'm going to give this blog thing another go ... but I wouldn't hold my breath!
I have found in the past few months that I really like to write my thoughts out, especially if I have decisions to make or a lot of thoughts running through my head. For some reason, seeing it in front of me makes it easier to handle and decipher through.
According to my wonderful doctor, I'm supposed to be making myself rest a little more these days. If you didn't see my facebook post, Matt and I are expecting TWINS! It has been about 48 hours since we found out, and I am pretty sure that I have run the gamut of emotions since then! This pregnancy came as a surprise, and the surprise doubled! It will still be a little while before we find out "for sure" if they are identical, fraternal, etc. All that to say, I'm exhausted and the doc says I need to listen to my body... so maybe I can convince myself that blogging is a productive use of my "rest" time, while the kiddos are awake.
Let's face it though, this will probably take me awhile, I mean who can sit still with a 13.5 month old and a 2.5 year old running around. There is constant movement and excitement in my house, and most days, I absolutely love it! This is a rare occasion where I am sitting on the couch with the computer and the girls are sitting next to me playing and reading on their own. Lately, as Katelynn has been able to do more on their own, the girls have been playing more together and it is hysterical! I'm sure my instagram and facebook pals are tired of seeing me fill up their feeds with pictures of my kids, but I love them, so yeah... deal with it!
I have made a lot of discoveries about myself in the past few months as Katelynn has really become mobile and independent. First of all that "independent" word is kind of entertaining. Yes, she can do things on her own, and she definitely wants to! But that doesn't mean she doesn't need me, or that I don't need to keep an eye on her. I can already see shenanigans that are thought out by her sister and executed by the small follower. I have found that the most dangerous parts of my day are the few seconds I take to run to the bathroom. I know that I am in trouble when they don't follow me into the bathroom because they have found something that is worth their while to get into! Megan's favorite thing to do is to run in the second bathroom and try to get into my make up. I don't wear make up all that often, but when I do... I tend to forget to put it away, especially if I'm in a hurry to get out the door. Apparently mascara is the coolest thing EVER! And after you smudge it on your eyes, when you hear mom flush and head your way, you plant it into the waiting hands of your little sister!
Another thing I have learned about myself, is that although I am quite organized, I am a messy organizational freak! (If that's possible!) After receiving the news about our twins, I realized that I am really going to have to make myself pick up after myself. Yes, I realize that most folks learn this earlier in life... but I haven't. I have a place for everything, I love organization. I get super excited if I'm at the store and there is a sale on caddies or storage bins, and if they are cutesy, oh man, that will really get me excited. Unfortunately, my apparent organizational gene, doesn't kick in until the end of the day. Messes don't really bother me until the end of the day. I guess I figure if I am picking up behind little ones, who are learning to clean, why bother until the end? It's just going to get messed up again! But I must start making myself pick up little things (like the mascara) and do it ASAP so that this place doesn't become a loony bin! Megan actually does pick up her toys when she is done, somehow I managed to get that into her ... although the child just hates messes. I think she came by it naturally. If you know Matt, he is the epitome of "a place for everything and everything in its place." Where as Katelynn is my child (in so many ways!) and will pick up, but she will destroy everything else in the process! I guess it's time to find the happy medium since we will go from a family of 4 to a family of 6 before the end of the year!
Without as much detail, motherhood in the last year has taught me a lot of lessons. The first "duh" moment is realizing that children are very different. Megan was the easiest child in the world. She is still very even tempered, goes with the flow, and listens very very well. She is a breeze most days. That made our decision to have a second child, close behind very easy. Katelynn has taught me so many lessons. I love my red-headed wonder, but to be honest, she was a handful from day 1! (Matt started calling her "Mayhem" after the All-state commercials, she is always into something! The name has kind of stuck) She was crazy in-utero, so I should have expected a spunky child. She is beautiful but definitely has her opinions. She has been short tempered since we first laid eyes on her (apparently she gets that from her red hair and her mother!) Katelynn was colicky and had reflux. We dealt with constant crying and spit up for the first 8 months of her life. It was very trying, and I'm not going to lie, I didn't always handle it well. However, it has been really neat to watch her over the past few months as she is learning to listen and take directions. She has a cute little personality but it's crazy how different the two of the girls react to things. I love both of my girls, but we definitely have a night and a day!
I have also learned humility. Not everything has to be perfect, and if you expect it to be, you will only disappoint yourself. Not that you shouldn't aim for having things a certain way, being flexible is essential. Being a perfectionist, that is a tough pill to swallow. It is really hard to accept and ask for help sometimes, but it's something I'm learning and working on.
Patience is something I am learning. I will probably never be able to say that I have mastered patience, but I am taking life one day at a time, and learning that with patience comes forgiveness. I do have to ask my 2 year for forgiveness sometimes when momma loses her temper. And hopefully my red headed wonder, the 13 month old that has quick temper like her mother, will pick up on these habits that I wish I had learned earlier. And the whole forgivness thing? Christ tells me that I am to forgive so that I can receive it in return. True forgiveness I have been learning from other areas in my life than motherhood, which I will NOT get into here. But it has to be modeled for my kids, for them to learn.
Just as an update to the passing of almost a year since I last posted an entry (because clearly this hasn't been long enough of a post of my ramblings), here are where the girls are these days.
Megan is 2.5. She is a great helper with her sister, and loves to play with Katelynn. She is definitely the diva in the household. She hates messes and loves to twirl and dance (and a full skirt or dress makes that even more fantastic)! I am thinking we will enroll her in ballet for her age when she turns three in the fall. She loves to play outside, but she isn't a daredevil like her sister. She weighs in at 28 pounds (which she has weighed for at least a year) and is healthy.
Katelynn is 13 months old and is a blur of constant motion. She laughs a lot these days and has just decided that she would walk. (She has been able to walk for months but refused to do it on her own) She likes to do whatever she sees her big sis doing and learns things very quickly. She still takes 2 naps a day, however I think we are about to lose the morning one as she seems to be in a growth spurt and I think she will give it up after the stress of growing passes. Megan and Katelynn both nap at the same time in the afternoon. Katelynn is a climber. We always called Megan our little monkey, but her "monkey" skills pale in comparison to her climbing counterpart. Katelynn used to weigh 25 pounds, but since she has become mobile she has lost a lot of weight. The doctors are concerned about it, but I am not. I am keeping a food log to take to her next appointment. She eats almost constantly, and large amounts of food. She loves veggies, so I don't think that she is really packing in the calories in a huge amount, but when you are constantly moving, you are burning those calories! She is getting taller, so according to her main doctor, it's not "a huge problem" because she is getting taller, but she has lost weight. She also was very sick for about two weeks last month. It's nothing for Katelynn to eat more than me at a meal lately (growth spurt) but I am also not able to eat a whole lot lately. ;) She was down to 19.5 pounds and now since feeling well, she is back to 21 pounds. She will gain it, if she wasn't eating it would be another story.
Sorry this was so long! But my girls were playing well and I needed to get myself back into the swing, since I was "resting" -- now some dishes and laundry are beckoning and I love having that stuff done early in the day, especially on a Friday, so that we can start our weekend relaxing.
This peaceful moment has ended and the girls are trying to scale the walls and the dog crate! Hope you have a great weekend and hopefully I will try to update before another year passes!
I have found in the past few months that I really like to write my thoughts out, especially if I have decisions to make or a lot of thoughts running through my head. For some reason, seeing it in front of me makes it easier to handle and decipher through.
According to my wonderful doctor, I'm supposed to be making myself rest a little more these days. If you didn't see my facebook post, Matt and I are expecting TWINS! It has been about 48 hours since we found out, and I am pretty sure that I have run the gamut of emotions since then! This pregnancy came as a surprise, and the surprise doubled! It will still be a little while before we find out "for sure" if they are identical, fraternal, etc. All that to say, I'm exhausted and the doc says I need to listen to my body... so maybe I can convince myself that blogging is a productive use of my "rest" time, while the kiddos are awake.
Let's face it though, this will probably take me awhile, I mean who can sit still with a 13.5 month old and a 2.5 year old running around. There is constant movement and excitement in my house, and most days, I absolutely love it! This is a rare occasion where I am sitting on the couch with the computer and the girls are sitting next to me playing and reading on their own. Lately, as Katelynn has been able to do more on their own, the girls have been playing more together and it is hysterical! I'm sure my instagram and facebook pals are tired of seeing me fill up their feeds with pictures of my kids, but I love them, so yeah... deal with it!
I have made a lot of discoveries about myself in the past few months as Katelynn has really become mobile and independent. First of all that "independent" word is kind of entertaining. Yes, she can do things on her own, and she definitely wants to! But that doesn't mean she doesn't need me, or that I don't need to keep an eye on her. I can already see shenanigans that are thought out by her sister and executed by the small follower. I have found that the most dangerous parts of my day are the few seconds I take to run to the bathroom. I know that I am in trouble when they don't follow me into the bathroom because they have found something that is worth their while to get into! Megan's favorite thing to do is to run in the second bathroom and try to get into my make up. I don't wear make up all that often, but when I do... I tend to forget to put it away, especially if I'm in a hurry to get out the door. Apparently mascara is the coolest thing EVER! And after you smudge it on your eyes, when you hear mom flush and head your way, you plant it into the waiting hands of your little sister!
Another thing I have learned about myself, is that although I am quite organized, I am a messy organizational freak! (If that's possible!) After receiving the news about our twins, I realized that I am really going to have to make myself pick up after myself. Yes, I realize that most folks learn this earlier in life... but I haven't. I have a place for everything, I love organization. I get super excited if I'm at the store and there is a sale on caddies or storage bins, and if they are cutesy, oh man, that will really get me excited. Unfortunately, my apparent organizational gene, doesn't kick in until the end of the day. Messes don't really bother me until the end of the day. I guess I figure if I am picking up behind little ones, who are learning to clean, why bother until the end? It's just going to get messed up again! But I must start making myself pick up little things (like the mascara) and do it ASAP so that this place doesn't become a loony bin! Megan actually does pick up her toys when she is done, somehow I managed to get that into her ... although the child just hates messes. I think she came by it naturally. If you know Matt, he is the epitome of "a place for everything and everything in its place." Where as Katelynn is my child (in so many ways!) and will pick up, but she will destroy everything else in the process! I guess it's time to find the happy medium since we will go from a family of 4 to a family of 6 before the end of the year!
Without as much detail, motherhood in the last year has taught me a lot of lessons. The first "duh" moment is realizing that children are very different. Megan was the easiest child in the world. She is still very even tempered, goes with the flow, and listens very very well. She is a breeze most days. That made our decision to have a second child, close behind very easy. Katelynn has taught me so many lessons. I love my red-headed wonder, but to be honest, she was a handful from day 1! (Matt started calling her "Mayhem" after the All-state commercials, she is always into something! The name has kind of stuck) She was crazy in-utero, so I should have expected a spunky child. She is beautiful but definitely has her opinions. She has been short tempered since we first laid eyes on her (apparently she gets that from her red hair and her mother!) Katelynn was colicky and had reflux. We dealt with constant crying and spit up for the first 8 months of her life. It was very trying, and I'm not going to lie, I didn't always handle it well. However, it has been really neat to watch her over the past few months as she is learning to listen and take directions. She has a cute little personality but it's crazy how different the two of the girls react to things. I love both of my girls, but we definitely have a night and a day!
I have also learned humility. Not everything has to be perfect, and if you expect it to be, you will only disappoint yourself. Not that you shouldn't aim for having things a certain way, being flexible is essential. Being a perfectionist, that is a tough pill to swallow. It is really hard to accept and ask for help sometimes, but it's something I'm learning and working on.
Patience is something I am learning. I will probably never be able to say that I have mastered patience, but I am taking life one day at a time, and learning that with patience comes forgiveness. I do have to ask my 2 year for forgiveness sometimes when momma loses her temper. And hopefully my red headed wonder, the 13 month old that has quick temper like her mother, will pick up on these habits that I wish I had learned earlier. And the whole forgivness thing? Christ tells me that I am to forgive so that I can receive it in return. True forgiveness I have been learning from other areas in my life than motherhood, which I will NOT get into here. But it has to be modeled for my kids, for them to learn.
Just as an update to the passing of almost a year since I last posted an entry (because clearly this hasn't been long enough of a post of my ramblings), here are where the girls are these days.
Megan is 2.5. She is a great helper with her sister, and loves to play with Katelynn. She is definitely the diva in the household. She hates messes and loves to twirl and dance (and a full skirt or dress makes that even more fantastic)! I am thinking we will enroll her in ballet for her age when she turns three in the fall. She loves to play outside, but she isn't a daredevil like her sister. She weighs in at 28 pounds (which she has weighed for at least a year) and is healthy.
Katelynn is 13 months old and is a blur of constant motion. She laughs a lot these days and has just decided that she would walk. (She has been able to walk for months but refused to do it on her own) She likes to do whatever she sees her big sis doing and learns things very quickly. She still takes 2 naps a day, however I think we are about to lose the morning one as she seems to be in a growth spurt and I think she will give it up after the stress of growing passes. Megan and Katelynn both nap at the same time in the afternoon. Katelynn is a climber. We always called Megan our little monkey, but her "monkey" skills pale in comparison to her climbing counterpart. Katelynn used to weigh 25 pounds, but since she has become mobile she has lost a lot of weight. The doctors are concerned about it, but I am not. I am keeping a food log to take to her next appointment. She eats almost constantly, and large amounts of food. She loves veggies, so I don't think that she is really packing in the calories in a huge amount, but when you are constantly moving, you are burning those calories! She is getting taller, so according to her main doctor, it's not "a huge problem" because she is getting taller, but she has lost weight. She also was very sick for about two weeks last month. It's nothing for Katelynn to eat more than me at a meal lately (growth spurt) but I am also not able to eat a whole lot lately. ;) She was down to 19.5 pounds and now since feeling well, she is back to 21 pounds. She will gain it, if she wasn't eating it would be another story.
Sorry this was so long! But my girls were playing well and I needed to get myself back into the swing, since I was "resting" -- now some dishes and laundry are beckoning and I love having that stuff done early in the day, especially on a Friday, so that we can start our weekend relaxing.
This peaceful moment has ended and the girls are trying to scale the walls and the dog crate! Hope you have a great weekend and hopefully I will try to update before another year passes!
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